08 February 2009

This is a broken girl...

Some things are really hard to finish. For the sake of my mental and emotional health, this is something I need to end.
I have never done this before, I am scared of all the other things that come with breaking up. Like getting my stuff back from his house. Like deleting his number from my phone. Like having to remind myself I dont have permission to call at anytime anymore. Like I will be going to yoga alone....how do I do all these things? I am a Literature major, I know how to work my way with words, so of course the letter was the easiest part. Now I get to deal with the heart-wrenching stuff...
I finished it tonight. It was really really hard. I've never been the reason someone ended up so sad and broken before. I keep second guessing myself, is this really what I want? Will this really make things better? I learned how to love someone so deeply without knowing why or understanding it. By no means was he perfect but by no means am I. I learned so much from him. Does he really deserve this? I don't want this to be easy, but it hurts too bad to want it to continue. The only thing I can do it move forward.
I already miss him so much.


Lisel said...

You are a brave girl! I love you! I'm still asking myself some of the same questions. You can always escape to Arvada, it's safe here, for whatever you need!

Danica said...

Awwww, I'm almost crying! and I know this was a while ago, but my heart breaks with your heart. And like Lisel said, I, too, am stillll asking myself some of the same questions! It's so hard. But I keep hanging onto the hope that the future holds far better.